Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
