Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
