it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
