Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
