Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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