Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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