you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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