I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
