Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
