oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
