i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
