We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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