God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
