the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
