dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
