saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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