and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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