covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
