i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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