planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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