this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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