I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
