He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She's the barista slut.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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