He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
