On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
