You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
