So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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