I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
