My nipple is on Facebook.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
