Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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