Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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