Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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