dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
