Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
