worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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