OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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