what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
