I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
