Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
