Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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