WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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