I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
