Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can you bring me the toilet please
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
