I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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