I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
