Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
