She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
