You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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