i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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