My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
