You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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